Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
