I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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