i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
