I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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