I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
