Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
