So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
