Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
