i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
