Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize