He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Panties = found
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
