Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize