i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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