you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
