I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize