when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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