So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
