Dual....:-)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
