who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
