just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
