you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize