I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
