Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
