are you so shy because you have an std?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
