guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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