I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Too much gin, very little bucket
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize