apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
