I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
