Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize