He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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