Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
