HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
