Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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