i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
