He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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