Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
