Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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