I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
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