Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
