The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
