this boner is exhausting
Even the bartender felt bad for me
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
