She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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