I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize