You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
