What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
