And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
