haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We have so much sex to catch up on
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
