you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize