Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
