I think im going to throw up on grandma
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
