i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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