This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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