I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
