the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
