3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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