if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
