you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
