I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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