they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
