I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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