I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
