How's work?
Spinning.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
