There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize